All we are we are

Everyday is the start of something beautiful...

I love that. One of my favorite movies to watch with the girls when they were younger was Anne of Green Gables. Anne with an 'e'. What a character she was, sweet, lovely and almost always making mistakes, at the very least having misunderstandings.

At one point in the movie, Anne had a bad day and her teacher was explaining to her as they walked along the road "...tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it."

How true that is, but how true also that we think our mistakes are still there at the beginning of each new day.

It takes work to start over, to put our mistakes behind us...to start new, to start something beautiful.

There is a song I have been listening to 'All we are we are' it starts with these words 'tasted tasted love so sweet'...they remind me of a song Devon learned from a youth leader at church here in Arnold,

'I've tasted of the cup of mercy, mercy sweet.

I've tasted of the cup of grace, grace so sweet.

and after all my days are done perfect love I'll see

when I stand with you Lord in glory.'

It speaks to the fact that God has mercy for us, even through the mistakes we make, or the bad days we have, through the accidents that happen, even in words that have been said, misunderstandings. His mercy, His grace..

With all our mistakes, accidents, words and misunderstandings...all we are we are. In this world we never will be perfect.

Devon's song goes on to say...'when I stand with you Lord, perfect I will be...'

...now that is something beautiful.

The El Camino

I've been on the hunt for songs that are about John, songs that remind me of him, of us.

When we were first married, John sold his little sports car and we bought an El Camino, it was silver with a white stripe, it suited us, half sports car half truck, I loved that car.

When I found this song The El Camino by Amos Lee and Willie Nelson, I thought this should be good, John loved Willie. But when I played it, I found it was not a song about that great car we used to drive. It is a song about a road.

There is a road in Europe that takes travelers on a pilgrimage to find themselves and God. A pilgrimage of faith, that has been travelled for more than a thousand years, by people who are on a journey to save their soul. The road ends at a church in Santiago Spain and it is believed that the disciple James is buried there. The road is called the El Camino.

This a song about travelling down that road...

well all my friends who treated me so well

you know I'm headed out to that Mission Bell

gonna wash my soul, gonna get it clean

heading down the border road called the El Camino...

I believe in all I've loved and all I've seen,

heading down the border road called the El Camino

yeah my hearts grown sick... my hearts gone blue

and I've done wrong by you, I don't know what to do

but I'm movin on, it really breaks my heart, leaving you behind...

all my ships have sailed away,

the price of this politic -

that there's plenty of time to pray and plenty of time to waste away.

well to all my friends that I've loved the most

you know I'm headed out to that other coast.

gonna wash my soul, gonna get it clean

heading down the border road called the El Camino.

...and it is a song about John.

Around the edges

Today was my birthday.

I know. It was a special day, a great day!

I enjoyed my family , hearing from friends and listening to my sweet grandchildren sing Happy Birthday to me. Life is good.

Yet, life is not all about me, there are more stories to tell, stories around the edges of mine.

Today there was the aftermath of a tornado that flew through and devastated a town close to where my daughter lives.

Today the rebels in Libya saw confirmation of the revolution they have been fighting, hoping for freedom for their people.

Today Jack Layton died of cancer, he was a man of character and drive, he accomplished much for the country he loved.

Today, life happened, stories that affect my family, my country and my world.

These stories do not affect me, they do not affect the way I enjoy my life but they are there, and I feel the hurt of the people who need to rebuild their homes, I feel the euphoria of the people on the brink of freedom and I feel the sadness of death and loss. My heart is affected and it makes me pay attention to their stories.

...the stories around the edges of mine.

Left or Right?

"The heart of the wise inclines to the right

but the heart of the fool to the left

even as he walks along the road." Ecclesiastes 10:2

I came across this scripture in my day, somehow, a week or so ago, there was no context, it was just there and it has sat in my mind.

What do you make of it?

Left or right? Why is left extended to the fool and the wise given to the right...how would you know? It doesn't seem fair and I haven't been able to get it out of my mind.

I've been reading the Postmistress, a very thought provoking book, I'm not finished it yet but I came across this sentence...

"... every story - love or war - is a story about looking left when we should have been looking right."

Somehow, I think it's true, I think if you look back on some of your 'stories' you may in fact see that you should never have turned left, you should never have turned down that road or taken that 'left-handed' view. In my last 'story'

(in hindsight) I can see that the fool turned to the left...but thankfully she didn't make the complete turn, she kept looking right.

Left or right, your story - love or war - along your road, how have you walked it?

Regardless, left or right, coming or going, yearning to be wise or was the fool, keep this scripture in mind as you walk along your roads, you won't go wrong...

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, "This is the way; walk in it." Isaiah 30:21

Perfect, just perfect

So...today, I really wanted to write about the Bacon brothers, specifically about what happened to one of them, but that seemed too controversial, one thought led to another and that made me think about what happened to Osama Bin laden which was way too controversial...which made me think of Winning Love and Erasing Hell and well, I didn't even want to go there!

So, I'm going to write about my Granny who is in heaven and was never controversial but always sweet.

I just opened a box that I had stashed away and found some of her things in it...pictures, letters, her hats and hair things...

When anyone went to visit my granny, they would ask how she was and often times she would say "as good as can be expected", but just as often she might say "perfect, just perfect."

I loved to visit with her and hear her stories from the days she was a working girl, earning money for herself and her family at home. Of how she met and married her first husband Isaac, that they travelled in a covered wagon from job to job. And later her relationship with my Grampa, whom she denied a marriage proposal and then later accepted. I heard the stories of her and her sister as girls, the love they shared, the games they played and the family they loved and lost. And she told me about her faith. She said, "If my children and grandchildren receive as much strength from the Lord as I did, they would be blessed."

It was my privilege to pick Granny up and bring her shopping or to family gatherings. Sometimes it was hard but mostly it was an honor. She couldn't hear well or keep track of everyone but she loved the action, the laughter and seeing the fun. The last time that I brought her, I watched her struggle with her shoes and I asked her if she was sure she wanted to come. She looked up into my eyes and said, "It's not for the food that I come, I just want to be where my people are." She loved her people.

The last honor I did for her was to braid her hair. She kept it long and when it was loose it hung to her waist. I gently brushed out the tangles and began the braid, carefully, hand over hand taking each soft strand until I reached the ends...ends that were tapered into the finest thread. I dipped it into water to hold the braid and brought it over her shoulder to rest in front...I have never seen her look more beautiful...

She was perfect, just perfect.

I Can Sing

I am not a good singer. I can't carry a tune. I don't know why. I've talked to God about it...a lot.

My music teacher in elementary school said "who's voice is that?"

My Mother said "Are you singing?"

and John would say "I heard you."

These were not meant to be encouraging comments, but I learned to laugh about it, I accept it. And right now there are times when I just don't care what anyone thinks or says, I just do it...but not in public.

One thing I am determined to do, is to have my grandchildren hear me sing. I want to share that with them, songs from my childhood, from their parents sunday school days. I don't know many and I don't always know all the words, but I choose to do it anyway. I have discovered they love it. That's a nice surprise. They say, sing this one, sing that other one and sing it again!

The other morning in church I was holding Presley through out the worship time. As each song melted into the next, I could feel her relaxing and pressing her little body to mine, putting her ear to my mouth listening to my voice...then she lifted her little face to mine and kissed me right on the lips.

Ahhh...love...everything is perfect in love.

I can sing.

What if...

On Sunday Rob talked about a song by Laura Story called "Blessings".

I know this song.

It is a beautiful song. It is a personal, emotional, conversation with God, a conversation telling Him about our needs, through sleepless nights. Through tears, our desperate pleas...our prayers.

"We pray for healing, for prosperity. We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering"

Desperate pleas, sleepless nights, tears and suffering...blessings?

We want His blessings, we want His healing, for ourselves, for our loved ones, especially our loved ones.

The thing we need to realize, even in the midst of our suffering, is that our desire may not be His. The mercies we cry out for are, often times, not the mercies we get...but, what if they are? Look again and you will see...

"What if the trials in this life are Your mercies in disguise?"

The beautiful truth that this song sings is something I have learned...God Himself has sung it to my heart...life on this earth is not His desire. His desire is our life with Him.

"The pain reminds us that this is not, this is not our home."

Look again...what if His mercies are in disguise.

Nothing but Fear

When I had a new idea or a plan to do something, John would sometimes say to me "there's nothing but fear stopping you."

When he ran away from home, he lived in his car before heading up North to build bridges. Even though he wasn't much more than a boy, the men there gave him a home in their camps and a job. He worked from great heights, dangling in a bucket over rushing rivers and rocky ravines. Sounds like a brave thing to do, but all the years that I knew him, and we were married for 36 years, he was afraid of heights.

Fear is a state of mind, it's not true, why do we give it so much credence?

Ghandi said "There would be nothing to frighten you if you refused to be afraid."

If I refused to be afraid, what would happen?

I would realize that when I went through the 'deep waters' I did not drown.

I would learn that when I go through the 'fires' I will not be consumed.

I would know that when I go through the dark valleys, I will rise above them.

I would discover that when I am in the 'storms' of life I will get washed...

...to be washed by heavens rain, of what shall I be afraid?

I will not be afraid for You have ransomed me, You have called me by name. I am yours and You said to me "you are precious to me, you are honored and I love you...so do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed for I am your God I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10, 43:4

John was right, there is nothing to fear.

Waiting on God

It seems like we are always waiting for something. We wait for traditional things like celebrations, birthdays, Christmas and anniversaries, holidays, traditions with family and friends. We wait in lines, in stores, in offices, in waiting rooms for our Doctor, our lawyer, on highways for green lights, left turns, buses and pedestrians. We are always waiting for good news, good times, bed times (if you have toddlers) and waiting for growing up, for responsibility, for love, for change, for justice...waiting for when we will realize our rights, when we will have more money...waiting for when we will feel better.

Right now I'm waiting for God. I am waiting for God to let me know what is next. What is next?

I just finished reading a book called The Alchemist, an amazing little book that speaks to finding our 'personal legend' how God leads us through His language of 'omens'. It is an exotic but simple story, it reminds us to keep watch around us to see where God is and what He is telling us through His language.

I felt a comfort after reading this book, waiting is a part of life, as much as looking for God's 'omens'. Waiting is part of God's language too.

Really, what we need to think about is what we will do while we are waiting. Doing something while waiting... that is hard. Most often we find ourselves so intent on the waiting that nothing else gets done. Then, when the thing that we are waiting for happens, we find it's not the thing we wanted at all...but then, maybe it will be.

Right now I am in the 'waiting room' waiting on God, trying hard to see His 'omens' and waiting for what is next. In the mean time I am loving, crying, working, watching, loving, waiting...

Waiting on God.

Strong Enough

Matthew West sings a song called 'Stong Enough'

"You must. You must think I'm strong, to give me what I'm going through..."

My friend received a heavy blow yesterday and my heart is heavy knowing what his heart is carrying. I am praying that he will be strong enough.

Love is hard.

It's not the first time he has had to bear this weight, and those days were hard. I took some words from him during those days and used them when I had to carry the same heavy, heavy weight. Those words gave me strength and now I give them back to him...

"Grief is an expression of love,

for if you love someone you will always grieve their absence

and for that reason,

grief is never a burden,

nor does it end

but it becomes a part of your life's rhythm...

as regular as breathing, eating, sleeping and loving."

Love is hard.

"Hands of mercy won't you cover me...Lord right now I'm asking You to be strong enough.

Strong Enough."

Andrew...my heart to yours.

Remembering

This morning in church Rob asked a question, "What has God done for you that you are thankful for?"

My husband was raised in a good christian home, but life there wasn't always good. He ran away from home when he was 16 and I am pretty sure he stopped going to church before that. When he was 14 his parents gave him a bible, he brought it with him through out his travels, packed in a box with other things that he never looked at.

Yet, it was because of his prompting that I started going to church. It was because of his encouragement that our children and I have been faithful to an awesome God...

God promised me that John would come back to the faith of his youth and for over 30 years I held on to that promise.

When he got sick it was an honor for my children and for me to witness the grace of God in his life, to see the peace and strength that God gave him, he took it and held on to it, he did not let go and neither did we.

After God took John home, I found myself paging through his bible. I found it unmarked except for one place, near the very end, 1 Peter 1:3 , underlined in the scrawling hand of a boy...

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In His great mercy He has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade - kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed...for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your soul."

...the received promise held on to by a 14 year old boy.

I will never stop thanking God for remembering His promises.

Remind me

A song came on the radio and as I took it in, it was clear that it was a love song. It was a duet with Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood, powerful singers who can sing the words with meaning! "Remind Me", it is a song about two people who have become comfortable in their life who want to be reminded of their passion. But what stands out to me are the words 'remind me'.

Remind me.

They remind me of some boys I used to teach in sunday school, they were a challenge! I had to come up with interesting ways to teach them, to say the least! The particular lesson I am remembering is about ebenezers. The story of when God had the Isrealites set up ebenezers by the river to remind them of how far God had brought them. The boys and I had collected stones and brought them inside to stack them up, one on top of the other, stuck with glue. They learned the idea of making markers to remind them of the times God had helped them.

God has filled His Holy book with reminders like this, reminders of His word, His promises... put them on your door, remember them when you get up, when you lie down, tie them around your neck, leave them by the river, stack them in the river...and remember.

Remind me.

This reminds me of The Beautiful Ache, a book written by Leigh Mcleroy, she writes,

"...and His Life-infusing presence makes my remembering a blessing not a curse. So I'll stack my memories like stones, the way the children of Isreal did as they crossed into the Jordon...some in the water covered over by the river never to be seen again and some on the brand new shore that waits for me. And I'll remember..."

Remind me.

...and I'll remember how far You've brought me.

Being Personal

I watched a favorite movie this past week, You've Got Mail. I love this movie, I'll watch it everytime it comes on TV. Among other things that I love about it, there is a quote in it that stands out to me, I wait for it.

"...and what's so wrong with being personal anyway? Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal."

I agree, how can anything have any real meaning if we are not personal, we ought to begin this way.

I've been reading through the Old Testament (the Message) and I've just started Chronicles. In his intro to this book Eugene Peterson writes,

"Names launch this story, hundreds and hundreds of names, lists of names, page after page of names. There is no true story telling without names...holy history is not constructed from impersonal forces or abstract ideas, it is woven with names...personal names that add up to a people of God, a holy congregation."

I have taken on a whole new consideration of reading these names, these were real people and they are a personal part of the story, they are true. God knew them.

On Sunday morning Rob talked about God knowing us, before we were knit together in our mothers womb, before our thoughts become words, no matter where we are, even in the dark. He knows us.

Rob used an example of David's conversation with God in Psalm 139 and we see how David knows God and talks to Him in a real way, Rob says "...his words are harsh, they are personal."

I love that. Knowing God, it ought to begin by being personal.

Choosing Life

I've been volunteering at the Abbotsford Hospital in the Cancer wing, it has proved to be a very fulfilling job.

This last Friday was an emotional day, from the moment that a woman came off the elevator, saying through tears "this has been a bad day"…to the six ladies that I helped in the wig room, we laughed and hugged and cried.

Then as my shift came to an end, a lady approached my desk, she was looking for Christin or Kate. Hmmm, I didn’t know Kate but Christin ...did you mean Kristen, Kirsten, Christina or Christine?

She was late. She was supposed to meet for 10:30.

I walked her down to Kirsten’s office even though I was quite sure she wasn’t there. While we walked down the hall, I asked her what she wanted from Kirsten. She wanted to pick up some papers that had been promised to her. When I asked her what they were about , she began to cry… It was to be her husbands ‘celebration of life’ the next day and she was expecting to pick up the foundation information and donation tracts.

Ahh, the Foundation.

So now we were looking for Christina who would help us find Christine who had the key to Kate’s office at the Foundation.

Yes, here they are, the papers and tracts in a purple file folder, she held them. Now she told more of her story. She wasn’t much older, in fact maybe younger than me. She lost her husband to cancer, just like me. She donated his eyes, so someone else could see, just like me. She was a widow, just like me.

There was a difference though, she has been a widow twice…life, death, death…

But this is what she told me “I choose to live with joy” she said “we have two ways to go, to be sad and bitter, grumbling, low with no hope or... looking for the good and going on with a smile, choosing life. I choose life...”

then she said, “…the trouble is, both come with tears.”

True, so true.

But even in our tears this is our hope...

"They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Revelation 21:4

The Truth will set you free

Our sermon on Sunday was on injustice, it was thought provoking and compelling.

I'm reading a book that speaks to this same theme of injustice. It is interesting how God speaks through people, sermons and books. I love that. He is telling me something.

I downloaded this book to my sony reader, it was offered for free and I thought I would try it.

The Swan House, a story of injustice, but also a story of faith and freedom. It's told by a young teenage girl and is set in the 60's, it speaks to the injustices done to blacks, to jews, to the poor and to the mentally ill and it speaks to death. It speaks to faith and standing by it.

Injustice, loss and faith.

We all have our sufferings our losses and what we see as injustices, we find ourselves calling out to God as Habakkuk did "How long Lord?" and "Can't You do something?" "Save him" "Save me..."

What I love knowing is that God loves to hear our hearts that cry out to Him...it speaks to our faith. Faith in Him. We all see or feel injustices, some of us everyday.

We can't all do everything, but we can do something... Pray, understand, search for Truth, have Faith.

Hope...besides, our Lord witnessed suffering ...He suffered too.

"No wound. No

scar?

Yet as the Master

shall the servant be.

And pierced are

the feet that follow

Me.

But

thine are whole.

Can he have followed far

who

has no wound,

No scar?"

"Our suffering will be used by God to help someone else who is suffering...it is never wasted...

God's Word is incredibly rich. His Bible provides us with all we need to know to live in this hard hard world."

Miss Abigale, The Swan House

Summer Thoughts

LTO is taking a break until the fall, for now I'll be posting a few thoughts through summer.

Well, my thoughts will be coming, as for summer, I'm not so sure...here's hoping : )

I hope you all enjoyed Canada Day!