Wednesday 31 August 2011

All we are we are

Everyday is the start of something beautiful...

I love that. One of my favorite movies to watch with the girls when they were younger was Anne of Green Gables. Anne with an 'e'. What a character she was, sweet, lovely and almost always making mistakes, at the very least having misunderstandings.

At one point in the movie, Anne had a bad day and her teacher was explaining to her as they walked along the road "...tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it."

How true that is, but how true also that we think our mistakes are still there at the beginning of each new day.

It takes work to start over, to put our mistakes behind us...to start new, to start something beautiful.

There is a song I have been listening to 'All we are we are' it starts with these words 'tasted tasted love so sweet'...they remind me of a song Devon learned from a youth leader at church here in Arnold,

'I've tasted of the cup of mercy, mercy sweet.
I've tasted of the cup of grace, grace so sweet.
and after all my days are done perfect love I'll see
when I stand with you Lord in glory.'

It speaks to the fact that God has mercy for us, even through the mistakes we make, or the bad days we have, through the accidents that happen, even in words that have been said, misunderstandings. His mercy, His grace..

With all our mistakes, accidents, words and misunderstandings...all we are we are. In this world we never will be perfect.

Devon's song goes on to say...'when I stand with you Lord, perfect I will be...'

...now that is something beautiful.

Thursday 25 August 2011

The El Camino

I've been on the hunt for songs that are about John, songs that remind me of him, of us.

When we were first married, John sold his little sports car and we bought an El Camino, it was silver with a white stripe, it suited us, half sports car half truck, I loved that car.

When I found this song The El Camino by Amos Lee and Willie Nelson, I thought this should be good, John loved Willie. But when I played it, I found it was not a song about that great car we used to drive. It is a song about a road.

There is a road in Europe that takes travelers on a pilgrimage to find themselves and God. A pilgrimage of faith, that has been travelled for more than a thousand years, by people who are on a journey to save their soul. The road ends at a church in Santiago Spain and it is believed that the disciple James is buried there. The road is called the El Camino.

This a song about travelling down that road...

well all my friends who treated me so well
you know I'm headed out to that Mission Bell
gonna wash my soul, gonna get it clean
heading down the border road called the El Camino...
I believe in all I've loved and all I've seen,
heading down the border road called the El Camino
yeah my hearts grown sick... my hearts gone blue
and I've done wrong by you, I don't know what to do
but I'm movin on, it really breaks my heart, leaving you behind...
all my ships have sailed away,
the price of this politic -
that there's plenty of time to pray and plenty of time to waste away.
well to all my friends that I've loved the most
you know I'm headed out to that other coast.
gonna wash my soul, gonna get it clean
heading down the border road called the El Camino.

...and it is a song about John.

Monday 22 August 2011

Around the edges

Today was my birthday.

I know. It was a special day, a great day!

I enjoyed my family , hearing from friends and listening to my sweet grandchildren sing Happy Birthday to me. Life is good.

Yet, life is not all about me, there are more stories to tell, stories around the edges of mine.

Today there was the aftermath of a tornado that flew through and devastated a town close to where my daughter lives.

Today the rebels in Libya saw confirmation of the revolution they have been fighting, hoping for freedom for their people.

Today Jack Layton died of cancer, he was a man of character and drive, he accomplished much for the country he loved.

Today, life happened, stories that affect my family, my country and my world.

These stories do not affect me, they do not affect the way I enjoy my life but they are there, and I feel the hurt of the people who need to rebuild their homes, I feel the euphoria of the people on the brink of freedom and I feel the sadness of death and loss. My heart is affected and it makes me pay attention to their stories.

...the stories around the edges of mine.

Friday 19 August 2011

Left or Right?

"The heart of the wise inclines to the right
but the heart of the fool to the left
even as he walks along the road." Ecclesiastes 10:2

I came across this scripture in my day, somehow, a week or so ago, there was no context, it was just there and it has sat in my mind.

What do you make of it?

Left or right? Why is left extended to the fool and the wise given to the right...how would you know? It doesn't seem fair and I haven't been able to get it out of my mind.

I've been reading the Postmistress, a very thought provoking book, I'm not finished it yet but I came across this sentence...

"... every story - love or war - is a story about looking left when we should have been looking right."

Somehow, I think it's true, I think if you look back on some of your 'stories' you may in fact see that you should never have turned left, you should never have turned down that road or taken that 'left-handed' view. In my last 'story'
(in hindsight) I can see that the fool turned to the left...but thankfully she didn't make the complete turn, she kept looking right.

Left or right, your story - love or war - along your road, how have you walked it?

Regardless, left or right, coming or going, yearning to be wise or was the fool, keep this scripture in mind as you walk along your roads, you won't go wrong...

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, "This is the way; walk in it." Isaiah 30:21

Monday 15 August 2011

Perfect, just perfect

So...today, I really wanted to write about the Bacon brothers, specifically about what happened to one of them, but that seemed too controversial, one thought led to another and that made me think about what happened to Osama Bin laden which was way too controversial...which made me think of Winning Love and Erasing Hell and well, I didn't even want to go there!

So, I'm going to write about my Granny who is in heaven and was never controversial but always sweet.

I just opened a box that I had stashed away and found some of her things in it...pictures, letters, her hats and hair things...

When anyone went to visit my granny, they would ask how she was and often times she would say "as good as can be expected", but just as often she might say "perfect, just perfect."

I loved to visit with her and hear her stories from the days she was a working girl, earning money for herself and her family at home. Of how she met and married her first husband Isaac, that they travelled in a covered wagon from job to job. And later her relationship with my Grampa, whom she denied a marriage proposal and then later accepted. I heard the stories of her and her sister as girls, the love they shared, the games they played and the family they loved and lost. And she told me about her faith. She said, "If my children and grandchildren receive as much strength from the Lord as I did, they would be blessed."

It was my privilege to pick Granny up and bring her shopping or to family gatherings. Sometimes it was hard but mostly it was an honor. She couldn't hear well or keep track of everyone but she loved the action, the laughter and seeing the fun. The last time that I brought her, I watched her struggle with her shoes and I asked her if she was sure she wanted to come. She looked up into my eyes and said, "It's not for the food that I come, I just want to be where my people are." She loved her people.

The last honor I did for her was to braid her hair. She kept it long and when it was loose it hung to her waist. I gently brushed out the tangles and began the braid, carefully, hand over hand taking each soft strand until I reached the ends...ends that were tapered into the finest thread. I dipped it into water to hold the braid and brought it over her shoulder to rest in front...I have never seen her look more beautiful...

She was perfect, just perfect.







Friday 12 August 2011

I Can Sing

I am not a good singer. I can't carry a tune. I don't know why. I've talked to God about it...a lot.

My music teacher in elementary school said "who's voice is that?"
My Mother said "Are you singing?"
and John would say "I heard you."

These were not meant to be encouraging comments, but I learned to laugh about it, I accept it. And right now there are times when I just don't care what anyone thinks or says, I just do it...but not in public.

One thing I am determined to do, is to have my grandchildren hear me sing. I want to share that with them, songs from my childhood, from their parents sunday school days. I don't know many and I don't always know all the words, but I choose to do it anyway. I have discovered they love it. That's a nice surprise. They say, sing this one, sing that other one and sing it again!

The other morning in church I was holding Presley through out the worship time. As each song melted into the next, I could feel her relaxing and pressing her little body to mine, putting her ear to my mouth listening to my voice...then she lifted her little face to mine and kissed me right on the lips.

Ahhh...love...everything is perfect in love.

I can sing.

Wednesday 10 August 2011

What if...

On Sunday Rob talked about a song by Laura Story called "Blessings".

I know this song.

It is a beautiful song. It is a personal, emotional, conversation with God, a conversation telling Him about our needs, through sleepless nights. Through tears, our desperate pleas...our prayers.

"We pray for healing, for prosperity. We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering"

Desperate pleas, sleepless nights, tears and suffering...blessings?

We want His blessings, we want His healing, for ourselves, for our loved ones, especially our loved ones.

The thing we need to realize, even in the midst of our suffering, is that our desire may not be His. The mercies we cry out for are, often times, not the mercies we get...but, what if they are? Look again and you will see...

"What if the trials in this life are Your mercies in disguise?"

The beautiful truth that this song sings is something I have learned...God Himself has sung it to my heart...life on this earth is not His desire. His desire is our life with Him.

"The pain reminds us that this is not, this is not our home."

Look again...what if His mercies are in disguise.


Monday 8 August 2011

Nothing but Fear

When I had a new idea or a plan to do something, John would sometimes say to me "there's nothing but fear stopping you."

When he ran away from home, he lived in his car before heading up North to build bridges. Even though he wasn't much more than a boy, the men there gave him a home in their camps and a job. He worked from great heights, dangling in a bucket over rushing rivers and rocky ravines. Sounds like a brave thing to do, but all the years that I knew him, and we were married for 36 years, he was afraid of heights.

Fear is a state of mind, it's not true, why do we give it so much credence?

Ghandi said "There would be nothing to frighten you if you refused to be afraid."

If I refused to be afraid, what would happen?

I would realize that when I went through the 'deep waters' I did not drown.
I would learn that when I go through the 'fires' I will not be consumed.
I would know that when I go through the dark valleys, I will rise above them.
I would discover that when I am in the 'storms' of life I will get washed...

...to be washed by heavens rain, of what shall I be afraid?

I will not be afraid for You have ransomed me, You have called me by name. I am yours and You said to me "you are precious to me, you are honored and I love you...so do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed for I am your God I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10, 43:4

John was right, there is nothing to fear.


Tuesday 2 August 2011

Waiting on God

It seems like we are always waiting for something. We wait for traditional things like celebrations, birthdays, Christmas and anniversaries, holidays, traditions with family and friends. We wait in lines, in stores, in offices, in waiting rooms for our Doctor, our lawyer, on highways for green lights, left turns, buses and pedestrians. We are always waiting for good news, good times, bed times (if you have toddlers) and waiting for growing up, for responsibility, for love, for change, for justice...waiting for when we will realize our rights, when we will have more money...waiting for when we will feel better.

Right now I'm waiting for God. I am waiting for God to let me know what is next. What is next?

I just finished reading a book called The Alchemist, an amazing little book that speaks to finding our 'personal legend' how God leads us through His language of 'omens'. It is an exotic but simple story, it reminds us to keep watch around us to see where God is and what He is telling us through His language.

I felt a comfort after reading this book, waiting is a part of life, as much as looking for God's 'omens'. Waiting is part of God's language too.

Really, what we need to think about is what we will do while we are waiting. Doing something while waiting... that is hard. Most often we find ourselves so intent on the waiting that nothing else gets done. Then, when the thing that we are waiting for happens, we find it's not the thing we wanted at all...but then, maybe it will be.

Right now I am in the 'waiting room' waiting on God, trying hard to see His 'omens' and waiting for what is next. In the mean time I am loving, crying, working, watching, loving, waiting...

Waiting on God.