More or Less

"Give me miles and miles of mountains and I’ll ask for the sea..."

                                                                                       in a song by Damien Rice

I am reminded of a friend from years past, from a time before either of us had families.  She confided in me that she wished she had what I had, I looked at her incredulous, because I had been wishing that I had what she had.  It happened to me again, just the other day and I was again taken aback.  A different friend, a different time, each of us wanting what the other had, wanting what the other has.  Mind you, neither exchange had anything to do with money, material gain or things, but they had to do with life, issues of the heart and soul, wanting less, wanting more.  These friends had the sea but wanted mountains and I...I had mountains but wanted the sea.

Here is the truth, we have so much, yet we want more, we want what is on the other side of the fence, we want to walk in the greener grass that lays there, sways there, beautiful, dotted with flowers and stirring with lovely birds and butterflies who want to live there.  We want that.  We fail to see that what we have is just as beautiful, just as green and lush and fragrant...just different.

I read a quote the other day, I was struck by it, it affected my thoughts and hung in my mind...it is there still.  This quote speaks to what the Bible talks about, you can find it in Matthew and Luke, and Paul talks about it in Phillipians. We talked a bit about the quote today during our coffee time...

 

“Everyone thinks life is about getting things and getting more money, but it’s not 

– life is about losing everything”

                                                                                    

I love that, it quiets the soul, it takes the pressure off, it gives permission to just be, to accept our losses, because that is what life is about, not more, not greener or more lush but about less, living with less, loving with less, accepting loss and surviving it, climbing the mountains and surfing the sea, despite the loss.  Life is about losing everything.

We are all different, some with more, some with less, some have mountains, others have the sea. 

Yes, I have miles and miles of mountains, but now and then, I find myself asking for the sea.

Sixty Years

When the hour is upon us and our beauty surely gone

you will not be forgotten

No, you will not be alone

My parents just celebrated their sixtieth wedding anniversary!  

Sixty years of marriage.  S  I  X  T  Y    Y  E  A  R  S.  Husband and wife...a  l o n g  life, together.

They can’t do everything they used to do, Dad sometimes...Dad often, gets frustrated that he can’t do the things that he used to do, the things that he loved to do, the things that he lived to do.  Mom is always nearby encouraging him to simply enjoy the fact that his time for doing is done, that now is the time for loving, not doing.

They are both still good looking, Mom always wears a classic sweater, accessorised with her favourite jewellery, earrings dangling, hair curled and combed just so.  Dad still impresses those that meet up with him, thick toussled white hair and a big, big grin...yes, still good looking.

They are always together, playing a game of cards, watching curling or the news...watching. Together, talking.  Listening to music, together, soulful country classics, even though Mom doesn't like it, she tries not to say so. Mom likes to do crossword puzzles, but Dad doesn't like that...and he says so.  Dad often talks about moving to Herbert, Mom refuses to go. They are often arguing about any one thing that has come about in the day, or that happened yesterday.  They are just as often laughing together at some old joke or at each other for some failed attempt at something, maybe even because of something they have accomplished. Really, you did it!  Surprise and pride at accomplishments.

They have struggled with health issues, heart and soul issues.  Blood, sweat and tears. They have overcome their trials and have continued on, encouraging one another and trying hard to survive, to just live.  To live with integrity and grace and peace...living life is hard.

They are enjoying the fruits of their labour, family dinners once a week, good food, love and laughter.  They love their children, their grandchildren and their great grandchildren...these children that came all because they fell in love.  They are honoured to know this family tree they have planted...to feel it, to water and to taste from it.

They have reached an amazing accomplishment, sixty years together.  They are a testament to love, joy, perseverance, patience, cooperation, consideration and survival.  When all else failed they showed persistence to love and dedication to one another.

We gathered, as many of us who could, this past weekend to share their accomplishment and to joy in one another,  it was beautiful...joy, from sixty years of labour and love...it was a celebration, it was an honour.

And when the day has all but ended and our echo starts to fade

you will not be alone...Let us hold to each other till the end of our days

S  I  X  T  Y    Y  E  A  R  S    with love, God Bless

The Blame Game

I have just finished reading a little book by Gene Edwards. A little book, but a powerful message, a message that will stir you to a new way of thinking or will confirm what you already think.  The Prisoner in the Third Cell, a telling of John the Baptist, his life, to his death; his life, served up on a platter.  The story telling gives way to a simple, quick and powerful read. John is the prisoner in cell three.

 

One of the threads in the story that stood out to me were the prisoners in cell one and cell two.  The one blames men for the fact that he is in prison, he blames his circumstance on Herod and he blames the others who conspired against him to take everything he had, he shouts “there is no end to the wickedness of the human heart”

The one in cell two blames God, he raised his face and spat curses at God “What kind of a God is it that will allow such things as we suffer now!  Is this the end for men who have loved God and obeyed Him? Has God no pity?”

The question then is who will John blame; man? God? Or perhaps his cousin?  Jesus could have saved John, He could have done something to ease Johns plight.  He performed many miracles, He healed many.  Who will John the Baptist blame?

A few months ago I read through Job.  The story of a man’s suffering, satan makes a deal with God, and God gives him permission to torment Job.  It is the telling of the powerful faith of a man who suffers greatly but never gives up on God.  His faith stands firm just as God told satan he would.  Job never blames satan. I love that.  

Satan doesn’t need any glory by any of us talking about the power he has over us...I’m sure you’ve heard people give the blame to satan for the troubles they are in.  Satan loves that, it puffs him up; he feeds on it, the fact that we are giving him any credit, he loves that.

This last week in our final study we talked a bit about trials and challenges and suffering, how these are inevitable...we will have troubles.  We went on to read examples of others who persevered through their troubles, they did not blame satan.  In fact through their troubles they gave the glory to God.  Their faith stood firm and God was given the credit, He loves that.

The blame game...who will you blame?

  

Who is going to get the credit; man? satan? Or will you give the credit to God?

"To Him be the power for ever and ever. Amen"

1Peter 5:11

Washing feet

“What does the thing about you that annoys me say about me?”

I heard a sermon the other day and the pastor asked that question.  Profound, don’t you think?

It is so easy to be annoyed with what other people do and then think badly of them, even go so far as to tell others what annoys us about them.  We are really saying ‘Don’t you agree?’ ‘Wouldn’t this drive you crazy too?’ ‘I’m right, aren’t I right?’ ‘That is so annoying?’  We want others to agree to see our view but really, and I think this is true, although I don’t like to realize it; what actually happens is how we are seen.  These kinds of discussions usually end up showing what kind of person we are.  Easily annoyed, quick to judge, heartless, puffed up with pride, altogether righteous, without grace and without mercy.  Regardless of what the thing really is...it ends up being about us.

Yikes, I have been easily annoyed by some people, maybe not easily annoyed so much as being rubbed the wrong way, well, it’s all the same.  But the truth is there are some people I do not fit well with.  This is all well and good, how could we possibly get along with everyone, see eye to eye with everyone, be on the same playing field with everyone,  be compatible with everyone?  Right?

This same pastor said another thing, ‘righteousness is about ‘right relationship’ ‘right relatedness’.  Yes, with Christ but also with one another, showing the right kind of righteousness.  I get that, I do.  I want to be that kind of person, showing the right kind of relatedness.

I don’t know about you but I want to be less annoyed.  I am really going to try hard to not let anyone see that I am annoyed.  I want to show grace and mercy and not tell anyone that I am annoyed.  Not tell anyone that I have been annoyed or that I am prone to feel that way.  I want to try hard to be 'right related'.  I want to try not to point out the annoyances of others because it will come back to me; it will end up being about me.  Like the old saying ‘what goes around comes around.’

In this past week’s study, a particular fact stood out to me. Jesus washed the feet of the disciples.  He washed the feet of all the disciples.  He washed the feet of Judas, his betrayer.  Judas, the one who was easily annoyed, quick to judge, heartless, puffed up with pride, altogether righteous, without grace and without mercy.  Jesus washed his feet.  

What does that say about Jesus?

"I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you."

John 13:15

Sharing Words

“I wanted words but all I heard was nothing” 

                                                                                           ...in a song by The Script

I’m reading a book right now called “WORDS” written by Ginny Yttrup.  It is the story of a girl who has lost her voice but collects words; she keeps them in an imaginary box in her mind.  These words help her to understand things that happen to her, they help her to understand how she feels. Eventually she will say them and she will be freed to own them and to share them.

After having shared words with someone have you ever gotten nothing in return, no, nothing?

I have.   To me, that is so sad, I love words, sharing them is important.  I love saying them and I love hearing them.  I love hearing them said in ways that have meaning, depth and power. I love hearing them said soft and slow, whispered.  I love hearing a word and realizing it means something else to someone else; a different way of knowing a word, a different way of understanding that person.

Word …the dictionary definition:

Word (wurd) n 1. A sound or a combination of sounds or its representation in print. 

2. Something said; an utterance, a comment

3. An assurance or a promise

4. A command or direction

5. A verbal signal or a password

6. a. News. b. Rumor

7. a. see Logos. b. The Scriptures, the Bible

That is a lot of ways to understand Word; it is the spoken word, something said. It is how it sounds and how it is written, printed on a page. It is a promise, it is commanded, spoken, rumored. It is a password to life. It is proclaiming news and it is sacred.

"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path"

Psalm 119:105

Words are meant to be shared.  Words describe things, they help to understand what is happening, they let me know how to feel.  Words can be measured too. Finding the right words, measuring them, knowing how to say them and being careful how I hear them.

Words mean more than you know, know them, read them, share them; if they are said to you they can lift your soul, if they are said by you they can lift another soul…

“Sometimes someone says something really small 

and it fits just right into this empty place in your heart."  

                                                                                                          words I heard somewhere...

and it fits just right...I love that.

Little things I learned this week

Heaven is for Real!  a little book by Todd Burpo

"I'm a broken stone, place me in the house you're building..."  

a song by Audrey Assad

Sitting down; royalty sits, subjects stand.  

I am the daughter of a King; 

He is waiting for me to be still.

'Jesus said " Have the people sit down."'

They sat in groups of fifty or one hundred...find someone to sit with you.


.Don't believe everything you think.

"You must not give sin a vote in the way you conduct your lives. 

 Don't give it the time of day.  

 Don't even run little errands that are connected with that old way of life."

Romans 6:12 the msg

 ...running little errands?  ...giving sin a vote?

"...let's make a clean break from everything that distracts us, both within and out."

2 Corinthians 7:1 the msg

Be aware of your breathing. Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Just breathe...

"I say more: the man justices;

Keeps grace: that keeps all his going graces;

Acts in God's eye what in God's eye he is...

Christ.  For Christ plays in ten thousand places,

Lovely in limbs, and lovely in eyes not his

To the Father through the features of men's faces."

                                                          Gerard Manley Hopkins

Right Now

I am remembering a lesson I learned not that long ago; be content, right where you are, in the life you are living right now.  Rob talked about that sort of thing this morning, not about being content but about saying yes, right now, where you are, despite who you are right now.

Sometimes days sneak up on me and I find myself not particularly liking where I am right now.  I want something else, if only this or if only that.  I don’t want to be who I am, I want to be her, I want to be doing what he is doing or wouldn’t it be great if I could do what she just did.

 

Sometimes lonely sneaks up on me and I find myself not wanting to be who I am right now.  I want to be doing this or doing that ...with someone.  Wouldn’t it be great if I was someone else right now.

Sometimes feeling sorry for myself sneaks up on me.  I despise that, what fun is that?  What good is that?  Well, the one good thing about it is that if I realize that I am feeling sorry for myself that means I can stop it...thankfully.  I am so happy when I realize that I have been doing it and I can get back to being who I am right now, with the life I have been given.  I can get back to the last thing God told me to do right now with who I am right now in the place where I am right now.

Right now; those are the words that spoke to me this morning.  Right now, I am waiting on God, waiting on a word from Him, waiting for when He will say, ‘Here is the way, walk in it’  ‘Here is the road take it’ ‘Here are the words, say them’ ‘Just go, I will be with you.’

Moses was concerned about who he was, when God asked him to go, Moses said “Who am I?”  God responded with “I will go with you...say it is I AM who has sent you”  God redirects Moses' thinking about who he is to who God is.  It's as if He is saying don’t be concerned with who you are right now, be concerned with “I AM”  I will be with you.

So right now I have been redirected from who I am to who God is, how great is that?  Starting from here, right now, just the way I am; I say yes, I’m in it for the long haul, I choose yes.

And right now He accepts me as I am... I love that.

"What You want from me I can do it right now. I can do it right now."  

Sara Groves

The Glory of it All

“Look, I see Heaven open...”  Acts 7:56

Heaven opening up.  And God’s glory showing.

While reading through Priscilla Shirer's book we've been talking about the glory of God; how His glory is all around us, even in the desert places.  How His glory exceeds comprehension, that His glory is reserved for His sake, for only One and that His glory demands a response.

 

God’s glory is all around us...His glory, showing.

Reminds me of something I shared with my children when they were little.  Sharing God’s glory; a bit of Heaven.

Sometimes, it happened when we were outside, walking, talking, sky watching.  Maybe we would be inside, looking out, through the window, over the couch leaning, sky watching.

Sometimes we weren’t sky watching at all, sometimes we were just doing life, and somehow though, there it would be.  The sky might have been a little stormy, but the sun would be there shining somewhere above the cloud cover, above the fray.

Just then the sky would move, the clouds shifting in the smallest most unassuming way.  Then an opening in the clouds, where a bit of blue shone through.  But not just blue, the brightest blue, reflecting the brightness of the sun and leaving way for the rays of its light.  Amazing rays of cloud shrouded light streaming down, rays of Glory it seemed.

 

Whatever we were doing I would stop and point it out to my children “Look ...a bit of Heaven!”  Then, all time would stop as we watched, we would melt in the moment and we would pleasure in the glory of it.

God’s glory showing...His glory is all around us.  I love that.

"You are here, with redemption for us all, that we may live, for the glory of it all."

                                                                                                        David Crowder Band

What do you say about Him?

Amazing words by S.M. Lockridge...enjoy

"He’s enduringly strong, He’s entirely sincere, He’s eternally steadfast. He’s immortally graceful. He’s imperially powerful. He’s impartially merciful. He’s God’s Son. He’s a sinner’s savior. He’s the centerpiece of civilization. He stands alone in Himself. He’s unparalleled. He’s unprecedented. He’s supreme. He’s preeminent. He’s the loftiest idea in literature. He’s the highest idea in philosophy. He’s the fundamental truth in theology. He’s the miracle of the age. He’s the only one able to supply all of our needs simultaneously. He supplies strength for the weak. He’s available for the tempted and the tried. He sympathizes and He saves. He guards and He guides. He heals the sick, He cleans the lepers. He forgives sinners, He discharges debtors, He delivers captives, He defends the feeble, He blesses the young, He serves the unfortunate, He regards the aged, He rewards the diligent, He beautifies the meek. 


Do you know Him?

Well, my king is the king of knowledge, He’s the well-spring of wisdom, He’s the doorway of deliverance, He’s the pathway of peace, He’s the roadway of righteousness, He’s the highway of holiness He’s the gateway of glory, He’s the master of the mighty, He’s the captain of the conquerors, He’s the head of the heroes, He’s the leader of the legislators, He’s the overseer of the overcomers, He’s the governor of governors, He’s the prince of princes, He’s the king of Kings and the Lord of Lords.

His life is matchless. His goodness is limitless. His mercy is everlasting. His love never changes. His word is enough. His grace is sufficient. His reign is righteous. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. 


Well, I wish I could describe Him to you. 


Yes... He’s indescribable. He’s incomprehensible. He’s invincible, He’s irresistible. I’m trying to tell you, the Heavens cannot contain Him, let alone a man explain Him. You can’t get Him out of your mind. You can’t get Him off of your hands. You can’t outlive Him, and you can’t live without Him. Well. The Pharisees couldn’t stand Him, but they found out they couldn’t stop Him. Pilate couldn’t find any fault in Him. Herod couldn’t kill Him. Death couldn’t handle Him and the grave couldn’t hold Him. 


Yeah! That’s my king, that's my King!

Oh I wish I could describe him to you.”

Written by Dr. S.M. Lockridge, he was the Pastor of Cavary Baptist Church, San Diego CA from 1953 - 1993. He entered heaven in 2000. He is well-known for a passage out of his sermon titled “He’s My King”

Reminders

I love reminders, I need them.

These last few months I have been reading in the book of James and also with Paul in Philippians, one teaches the blessings of works, the other teaches the blessings of grace.  It was amazing to see, each week, the similarities of the blessings one to the other, despite the controversies.  Controversies that Beth Moore alludes to and controversies Martin Luther spoke out about.  The differences found in the words of James, works; what good is faith without it and the words of Paul, grace; for it is by grace we are saved.

Works and grace...different, yet the same.  Most of you, who know me, know that I love controversies too but mostly...I love reminders.

I have discovered more than ever, that in spite of the controversies God is constant. He teaches us a lesson and then He teaches it again and again and again. I love learning a lesson, but even more,I love learning it again; being reminded, this is confirmation of His constant presence. I love that too,confirmations that God is there, I believe it... I know it.

My newest reminder has been about interruptions and blessings.

 

I had been in Ontario for a week and came home to a few telephone messages.  One of them was from John’s 93 year old Aunt.  I had come home from my holiday, sick with a cold, it wouldn’t be fair to go to her with my sickness, but I phoned her back to chat, to see how she was.  She was glad to hear my voice and began to tell me her story.  She had been going every day to visit her sister, arriving there at two in the afternoon and staying until seven in the evening.  A friend or the bus would bring her and she would call a taxi to bring her home.  For two weeks she sat vigil with her older sister, a sister who was dying. My Aunt traveled everyday to sit beside her, to be there, looking into her face when she woke, to hold her body down when she became restless and to simply confirm her love for the only sister she ever knew.  Over ninety years of holding on to one another.  My Aunt soothed and settled and held her sister.  The sweetest sister one could have to hold you. 

But I... I told her that even though I really wanted to, I was sick and couldn’t help out by picking her up at the evening’s end.  She said “Judy, I have been through much, I am not worried about a cold.” And I said “ I will pick you up at seven.”   This I could do for the sweetest sister.  My heart ached for her as I watched her leave her sisters room.

An interruption?  No, an intervention that held a blessing...a divine blessing.

 

The very next day when my Aunt arrived for her vigil, her sister passed from this world, her earthly struggles over.

What a blessing for me to have helped in such a small way for someone in a time of great need.

Such a humbling reminder, that the needs that come across our path are not interruptions; they are divine interventions.

This is the story of Easter too.  We are reminded of the cross and a Life interrupted to bring us salvation...truly, a Divine Intervention.

“His coming, His death and His resurrection really do melt heaven and earth together, 

make death into sugar and turn all ills, of which there are many into delectable wine.”

                                                                                                                                       Martin Luther                                                                      

God Bless, Happy Easter.

A Softened Heart

I am remembering a conversation I had with a friend some time ago.  My friend was explaining to me the story of her friend, someone who seemed to be making all the wrong choices.  My friend was concerned saying, of her friend, that all is lost, the choices have been made, and the hope is gone.

My thoughts were and I said them to my friend, ‘how can you think that God is finished with her yet? There is much more time for God to work.’

My friend wanted answers now, she wanted redemption now, she wanted repentance and change that she could see now…as if it was her time, as if it was up to her.

The truth is it is not up to her, nor has it to do with her time.  The truth is God’s time is not our time.  The truth is it is not for us to see proven, the work that we do to convince.  The truth is it is God’s work.  He is the one who does soul work, we reflect it.

Andrew read this scripture this morning, John 12:40...

He has blinded their eyes

And deadened their hearts

So they can neither see with their eyes

Nor understand with their hearts.

I believe it.  I get it.  I don’t always like it, but it’s not up to me.

What is up to me is to reflect God’s heart, to show love.  God knows when to soften the hearts He has hardened.  He knows each and every heart.  He knows when to open the eyes of those who need to see. 

A softened heart doesn’t mean salvation now; a softened heart means that it is open to the belief to receive it.

We learned a lesson while doing Experiencing God and Andrew said something in his sermon this morning that reminded me of it; that we each need a crisis to come to belief, to prove it true.  

True belief…proven.

John’s heart was being softened, I prayed for it for years, but it was all in Gods timing…John's heart softened a little more, his eyes saw a little more.  And then the crisis…he chose to prove his belief…I didn’t have to do a thing but hold on to hope.

God knows the purpose He has for each soul, He knows the time, and He knows the heart…it’s not up to me.  

I love that.

Divine Intervention

I ran into an old friend the other day, I haven't really talked with her since our children were very young.  She was telling me about her life, it hasn't been easy, two of her sons have autism. Believe me she has struggled.  These sons are young men now and life is still hard for them, for my friend and her husband as well.  In some ways harder, but, she said to me "Judy, it hasn't been all bad, not all of it has been hard, there has been beauty from these ashes."

I loved hearing that, hearing that she has the hope of faith, this gift to receive the beauty even in struggles.

Another friend of mine has been legally blind for pretty much half her life, she said she wouldn't trade anything about how her life has turned out. There have been so many blessings.

And a young friend of mine who has a brain tumor, over the last 5 years has had several surgeries and set backs but right now is doing okay, her tumor has stopped growing and part of it is shrinking. She still has hard days, but she told her mother that 'this tumor' has been her greatest gift.

I have seen beauty in the ashes that have interrupted my life, but I would trade them.  In a minute I would trade them.  If God had given me a choice I would have asked for a different way... I did ask for a different way.

If He came right now and asked me if I would trade, I would say yes, in a heart beat...if we could still have the grace.

Apart from the grace, I cannot say that my loss and my suffering from it, has been a gift, not at all, at least not for me.  This isn't my gift to wish differently.  John might see it as a gift, this grace of salvation and the afterlife he is part of.  He might very well say "this is the greatest gift!"  "I wouldn't trade this for anything!"  I would love hearing that, I do feel it, I am sure of it! But, I can't say losing John has been a gift, not for my children or their children and not for me.

My life and my best laid plans have been interrupted...

Well, truly, I don't see it quite that way.  I tend to believe as CS Lewis did, he said...

"The great thing is, if one can, is

to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions in one's life. 

The truth is of course, that what one regards as interruptions are precisely one's life."

So, this is precisely my life.

I am reading a book right now called 'Life Interrupted' by Priscilla Shirer, she says not to see interruptions as problems to your plans, but to see them as 'divine interventions'. She says, "In one way or another, your story has developed an unexpected plot twist or two. Or ten. Your plans have been interrupted and things haven't been the same since.  You've been changed forever by this 'divine intervention'. Complete satisfaction and success in life cannot be reached apart from your deliberate decision to engage in the divine intervention and to surrender to His sovereign plans for you, whatever He chooses those plans to be."

Yes, this is precisely my life, it has not been interrupted it has been changed by divine intervention and that is a gift, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Divine intervention...I love that.

Learning How

This past week I was visiting my little family in Ontario, a special little holiday where I enjoyed mostly blue skies and warm weather.  Such a treat...and my little family?  Ahh, so sweet and beautiful and charming and funny.

While I was with them I helped teach two of my grandchildren to ride their bikes without training wheels, and one of them switched to one training wheel. My little three; Riley, Gracie, and Kenzie, going down the road, well not really going anywhere...yet.

Oh my! 

They were absolutely ridiculously funny, wobbly, all arms and legs, eyes wide open squealing and of course scraped knees, tears.  My daughter, my son-in-law and myself, we three, were filled with anxious anticipation as we held up, picked up, ran alongside and called out; slow down, watch the road, turn, turn, stop at the stop sign, STOP!  Put your foot down, watch where you’re going...and then “Ohhh Nooo!”  

We cheered and clapped and watched pride smiling and we wiped faces tear stained.  I wondered what the neighbours thought as they watched my little three zig zag the street with their accomplishment and pride as they learned how to ride their bikes.  My pride, these three, who are fast entering a new chapter to their young life and many new kinds of learning how.

I am learning something new too, every day a little something comes my way.  Some of them are old things, things I already knew but now I have to learn in a new way.  Some of them are new things, things I have to learn new, fresh, on my own.  Some things I thought I knew, but I found out that I never did know them at all.  

I am learning to think differently, to be more sensitive, I am learning that I’m not the only one learning. 

Now that’s a revelation...I am not the only one learning.

 

To learn is to do, to endure, to complete, to cope with, to accomplish and to manage all things.  To learn is to gain knowledge, to acquire experience, to become aware...we are all learning together, zig zagging down the same streets showing off our accomplishments, cheering one another on and hopefully, we are picking each other up and wiping one anothers tear stained faces...

Down the road we go, learning how.

"My dear, dear friends!  I love you so much.  I do want the very best for you.  You make me feel such joy, fill me with such pride.  Don't waver.  Stay on track, steady in God."  

Phillipians 4:1   the Msg

The Long Haul

One of the things I have been thinking about these last few days has been God’s friend, Job.  God talks highly of him.  “Have you noticed my friend Job?”  

He’s talking to Satan...I really don’t want God talking to Satan about me.  “Have you noticed my friend Judy?”   Maybe He already has talked to Satan about me...would He speak highly of me?  

Job was a friend for the long haul... t h e  l o n g  h a u l...I love that.  He was not about to give any credit to Satan for his suffering, he endured, he waited for God.

James says,  “You have heard of Job’s endurance...”  Not that I have nearly begun to suffer the way Job did, but would someone say that of me,  “you have heard of Judy’s endurance...”

Endurance means perseverance, not giving up, having patience, waiting it out, in it for the long haul.  Job had it, God could count on him, and God trusted him.  It’s one thing to have patience in the suffering but to be trusted through it, I love that.

I hope my friends can trust me.  I’ve had a few friends that have fallen off along the way, our friendship did not endure.  I think they were never meant to be there for the long haul.  They were friends for the season, that’s okay; I have loved these friends in their season.

But God, He trusted Job to endure, to not give up on Him, no matter what and well, you have heard of Jobs endurance.  On Tuesday we talked a bit about Job, how after all of his suffering, he still chose to believe that God was in charge of all things.  And Job suffered.  After suffering so much, would you be able to claim these same words of God...

“I’m convinced; You can do anything and everything.  Nothing and no one can upset your plans.”

Or is it more likely to be words like... “My complaint is legitimate.  God has no right to treat me like this, it isn’t fair!”

These were Job’s words too.  Later came God’s answer,

“Do you presume to tell me what I am doing wrong?  Are you calling me a sinner so you can be a saint...I’ll gladly step aside and hand things over to you, You can surely save yourself with no help from me!” 

  

Wow, that’s pretty clear, take care of it myself?  I suppose I try to do that often enough. I have tried to stop the suffering myself, that has never worked out for me, it has always been better to have patience, to wait, to trust.  That is hard.  Lament.

Job suffered much and then he suffered more. Job didn’t just accept it, he didn’t just lie down and take it, he fought it, he questioned, and he called out for help.  He says “I expected good but evil showed up, I looked for light but darkness fell.”  His wife told him to give up and curse God!   Job called out for his rights, his friends condemned him. He called out for his defence, but that just made him sound worse,  “even though innocent, anything I say incriminates me, blameless as I am, my defence just makes me sound worse.”

I have certainly been in that position, where I felt the need to clear my name, from whatever I thought I was being accused of, even though innocent I made myself look worse.  When will I learn that I do not need to defend myself...God already knows me.

I have lamented and I have questioned, but this I know, the bible is full of laments.  Sometimes He loves those better than a hallelujah, I have learned it, experienced it, felt it...God loves to hear my cries too.

I have lamented, I have called out for my defence, I have endured and I have persevered, I have waited, I have known suffering and loss... yet I know that God lives. 

 

I may keep on lamenting, stating my case to God, but I will not deny trust in Him.  There is absolutely nothing Satan can do to cause me to stop trusting God.  Nothing.  No one. I am convinced, God can do anything, I believe it and He can trust me in  t h e  l o n g  h a u l.

That’s how I see it...and I love that.    

Overflowing Love

I was out walking yesterday, with my dog Finegan, we went to the cemetery.  The word cemetery had been mentioned twice at church on two separate days and I thought ‘I need to go there.' I've been meaning to go there.  So Finegan and I went for a walk in the cemetery, we walked and looked and talked and thought much. As we went, we gently stepped among the corner stones that have been placed there.  The stones of faith honoured, of families separated, of lives lived, the markers of people who loved and were loved. We were enveloped in the day, it was warm and beautiful. The love of the saints that were laid to rest there wrapped around us, and covered over them, were the grounds that had recently been trimmed and pruned and kept.  I love that.

I love knowing that my saint, the space marked for him, is cared for, honored.

Today it snowed and I imagined those sacred spaces of mine and others, covered in snow, covered with a blanket from God’s own heart, one of purest white, made together from the softest form of flakes and lace, so natural and pure and intricate and fragile...God’s own heart covering all sins, saints  forgiven, white as snow...loved by God.

I heard someone say, what if God has so much love, that it overflows on to us and all we have to do is receive it.  Blessings given, received and in turn, given away.  He went on to say that if we have been given a blessing that we should in turn overflow it on to someone else, whatever that blessing may be, singing, teaching, playing an instrument, writing, baking or even making a quilt.  That’s what he said  “...even making a quilt”

I have been blessed by an overflow of this kind of love.

This is the quilt that Dana made...as a gift, for me.  Her friend Anna encouraged her to make it, giving her the thought pattern to build it, with squares and pieces cut from love, cut with love and stitched together with the overflow.

The fabric that makes up this gift of love is pieces of John.  Pieces that are cut from clothing that belonged to her Dad.  Shirts, jeans, jackets, patches of squares cut from them, pieced and fitted and stitched together forming this gift, this blessing of love from her heart.

Isn’t it beautiful!  I wish you could touch it.

When John was a little boy he called his blanket ‘my geeka’ and when he was needing his favourite thing, he wanted his geeka, even after we were married.  If he was sick and cold and wanting to be covered, he wanted his favorite thing.  Now it is mine, my favorite thing, peices of him, my geeka.

It is a reminder of the love that once held me on cold winter nites, the love that kept me warm every nite, the love that laughed at my foolishness, the love that worked alongside me on those hard, hard working days, the love that paid for everything beautiful, the love that supported our family day after day after day, the love of the hands held out to hold... I love that.  I miss that.

Love and hurt and pain, you cannot hold them in, they need to come out, they overflow and they need a place to go.  If we are blessed with His overflow, hurt and pain goes to healing, mine is in words, Dana’s comes in the form of this quilt.  Love is the blessing from it all.

I am reminded of the little song I sang as a girl, with actions, hands cupped together, then rolling over each other, over and over... overflowing. 

‘My cup is full and running over,

the Lord blessed me,

I am happy as can be,

my cup is full and running over.’

I am not quite yet ‘as happy as can be’ but I am getting there, His love is covering me.

Knowing Who I am

Pastor Rob asked if I would give a few words of testimony for our AGM, here are those words...

It has been just over two years since I lost John...well, he’s not lost, he has been saved.

It’s been just over two years, I could have chosen to be bitter, that God did not answer my prayers,  He could have made it so that John would be saved and sitting here beside me...saved. I could be questioning God about that, I could be mad at God.

But, I can’t, in fact very nearly, every day I thank God for answering my prayers.  Prayers that God would turn and bring John closer to Him, that he would be saved. God answered those prayers.  He just chose to do it all at once.  Amazing Grace.  That’s how I see it.

John died Nov 22, 2009 on his Dad’s birthday and it was Sunday, the Lord’s Day.  What an honour, to leave his earthly father into the arms of his Heavenly Father on such a day...more Amazing grace, I love that.

It has been just over two years and nothing has been the way I thought it would go, either with what I thought people would do or with what I thought I would do and ...nothing has been the same.

The first year as hard as that was,  at least I knew who I was, I was a woman whose husband died, a widow...that’s a hard word...a hard word to be, a hard word to do.

The second year most people said things like ‘how are you, you must be better?’  But, honestly, year two was harder.  I lost who I was, everything about who I was.  Even though it looked like I was the same, I didn’t know who that was.  People could see where I was but I didn't know where that was. It seemed I was lost.

Honestly, I was very close to calling this Mr Dahl that everyone has been talking about...or someone like him. The second year was hard.

But those two years are behind me, I am getting better...I am being changed, I am finding out who I am again.

I am a mother and a grandmother...

I am Judy...

I volunteer at the Cancer Agency, not to mention caring for my elderly parents and my 10 beautiful grandchildren, I am giving back.

I am practicing yoga and I am learning to play guitar.  I am learning new things.

I love to listen to music and I cannot get enough of reading books...I am immersing my mind.

I journal everything and I write for the blog here on our church website.  I am a writer. 

I Bowl on a team with 5 wonderful friends every Wednesday morning.  I am part of a team.

I attend the LTO on Tuesday evenings and I helped start a bible study group for ladies called Prime Time, these ladies I am indebted to...I am a fellow sojourner.

All of these have been like therapy to me, they have been a gift, all of them filtered through the fingers of God and I am being transformed.

I am knowing who I am...I am Judy, just a girl asking God to love her...more than that I am a girl who knows that God loves her...and I am so thankful.

I am Judy, I am being changed and I am going to be okay.

The Real World

Get a life.  Get a real life in the real world...ever heard comments like that?

When my man couldn’t quite understand where I was coming from, either my point of view or my lifestyle choice, he would say , “Get in the real world!”  I would usually respond with a sadness because it was he that needed to “get in the real world”.

  

My man’s view was from that of the world, a world’s eye view, one of work and work.  His real world was a man’s world, it was mostly found in the rock-hard, work-hard business of road construction.  It was all about dump trucks, loaders, packers and graders.  Big machinery, iron-strong equipment that dug up, dumped on, packed down, rolled over and graded straight smooth, with the eyes of a level. His work was big but it was operating in just a corner of the real world.

 

There were other corners to living in this world.  I often wondered why he thought he was in the real world. 

He didn’t know then what he would soon and soon, begin to know, the real world is that with eternity in mind.  The last few years he was with me, I noticed a change, he was not so preoccupied with work, he began to relax and he began to understand me more.  He began to laugh more and to cry more.  He didn’t know it yet, but his heart was softening and he was beginning to be part of the real world.

This past week I have been reminded of his words because in our book discussion we have been talking about this world and that world. One is about trying to stay on the right path and the other is about looking for easy street.

One of them, the world of heavenly things, affects our soul, it is about the things that affect our life after this life.  And we talked of the other, the one that takes away from our life, it sucks life out of us, it damages our soul.  In one world we love our neighbour as our self and the other loves self, it loves self indulgence and self gain.  One world is lived by self-denial the other by selfishness.

Those who are in the latter don’t even realize that with all this love of self, they end up being their own worst enemy.

“Their destiny is destruction, their God is their stomach and their glory is in their shame.  

Their mind is on earthly things.  But our citizenship is in Heaven.” 

Philipians 3 : 19

These are the worlds we’ve been talking about.  Right now, I know beyond any doubt that my man is in the real world and I am pressing on towards it.  

This is the Day

On Sunday morning Rob asked if we were content. How concentrated are we on being thankful, giving thanks for what we have, for being grateful for where we are?  Contentment. Sometimes we forget to concentrate on that, to search out thankfulness, to be grateful, to be content right where we are.

I have just finished reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp, an amazing wave of thoughts by a woman whose heart and mind is on the constant search for thankfulness.  She calls it Eucharisteo...thankfulness, the constant search for it in her life, right where she is, to live her life fully in joy...her needing to see the joy.  Ann-Full-of-Grace dares us to be on the search too, to keep a journal of one thousand gifts.  One thousand gifts of joy written down and numbered.  I have taken on the dare and the name of her book is written long in my journal beside # 106.

I am generally a Polly-Anna thinker, I can find the things to be glad about…and I have known contentment.  Right now I am content, I am.  But sometimes it has been hard to find joy in an everyday life, even for us Polly-Anna types, where it seemed all we had to do was keep house. Where we had to do mundane things like keeping up with piles of laundry, washing dishes, making meals, caring for our family, caring for them for better or worse, in sickness and in health.

Joy, in our everyday, sometimes it seems impossible.

I remember the days when I was in the middle of it, I remember saying just under my breath,    “ What a day! ” I was so tired of it all, sometimes I was near to exploding, letting it all out for everyone in the neighbourhood to hear, sometimes I was so close to tears and I wondered, is this all there is?  But, just as soon as I said it, those three words, the ones that were always preceded by a deep sigh from my soul, something would happen, right then, right there…a bit of joy would come in.  Right then, I would hear the little song in my head whose words are “This is the day the Lord has made let us rejoice and be glad in it.”  That little song saved my heart and soul many times because of the joy it let in.  My sigh was always replaced with a smile, enabling me, for a while, to see the brighter side.  I loved that little song.  I still do.

The words to the song are found in the section of scripture known as the Hallel, songs of praise, Psalm 113-118. These songs of praise were sung during the Passover celebration, including my little song.  The Jewish people sang it.  I love that.  It was a reminder to them about the celebration of the Holy days, of how far God had brought them. God days, all days with God in them and of days that were yet to come.  It is said that Jesus sang that song. That He sang it at the last supper and maybe even again in the garden that night.  That amazing little song.  I love knowing that, thinking it true.  It would have been a comfort to His soul, a comfort to his heart and mind, knowing what He knew...the God-day that God had planned for Him, the Holy days and then all the days yet to come. A song of praise, a comfort, something to be thankful for...even for Jesus...what a day!

"This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it."

Psalm 118 : 24

A comfort, a little bit of joy, thankfulness to face the day and even the days yet to come…God’s graces, I'm writing them down, one by one and finding joy in my everyday.

What good is it?

Just a few thoughts on my mind from the ladies and Beth this week...

it is a gift...an unexplainable thirst to study, followed by the difficulty 

                                         of keeping to yourself what you've learned.

                                     

Faith without works, what good is it?

Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?

Wisdom is the what, Understanding is the why...
                                            Wisdom often knows what to do, Understanding
                             often knows why.

...being full of ourselves, self, self, self centredness!

Forgiveness is an act of yielding, not to give up, but to give over...

What you do speaks so loud that no one can hear what you say.

            this little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine...

Err on the side of mercy.

Be full of mercy   - do not be inundated with the worlds condition...
                                                             you can't fix it...it is not your job.
                                - do not speak empty blessings
                                - notice others, dignify them
                                - the good life has got to show...Jesus came to give an abundant life

...Faith, without works, what good is it?