Tuesday, 23 February 2016

I am not in Charge

You’re not alone, and you are not the one in charge.”
The Nightingale

Words from a few days ago, found in the novel I am reading...the last few days it has proven true…I am not alone and I am not the one in charge.  Surprise.

I have spent the better part of February in Ontario, Atwood, a small town in an amazing corner of the world; at the time blanketed in snow, not too deep, crystal bright and crispy cold.  I spent time with my grandchildren, living, loving, laughing; watching movies, playing games, hockey…sometimes fighting.  We baked, read stories, wrote them and had adventures. I walked the dog, crazy running wild, jumping dog, up the snowy field, turned left on the ski-do trail and into the fairy sprinkled forest, stepping through hunters’ trails, over smaller foot prints left in the snow; fed the chickens, defrosted water and collected eggs, sometimes cracked and sawdust coated; drove to school in a windblown, snow flying morning; gymnastic meeting, got lost searching, for just a moment…turn left…right, here; visiting family, friends, listening; hilarious stories, fun times, adventures; Kenzie, Riley and Gracie.  Too much fun.

My daughter and her husband were going on a tropical sunny beach holiday, hoping to be warmed, tanned, kissed by the sun and she asked if I could come out to help take care of her ‘life’ on the farm, not all of it just some.  Of course I can.

I spent the better part of the last day, of my daughters’ world, in the hospital; being checked, blood taken, probed, connected, and scanned.  

We had other plans, my daughter and I; a bit of fitness, shopping, sipping coffee, eating lunch, meandering to the airport…to send me home…that was my plan.  But I found out pretty quickly plans can be changed and I am not the one in charge.  So, I found myself enveloped in the hands of others, those who know about things I don’t; those who have the talent to search and re-search; people helping; Doctors, nurses, daughters, sons and praying friends…I am not alone.

Plans change, stuff happens…this is how easy it is for us to realize that our plans are not so important; life is…love is.  For a moment I thought I was in charge, but in a blink I knew; not me, it is Gods hand on me…me; only trusting.
Trusting, that’s all any of us can do really, life unfolding…ask for help when you need it and give help when you can.

Friends, family and God.

I am not alone and I am not the one in charge…I love that.