Carbohydrates and Conjugations...

I’ve been reading a book that I have never been interested in reading, I’ve enjoyed the movie but the book has never appealed to me, mostly because of what I’ve heard from friends who started it and didn’t finish, certain reviews and in general not my usual read…until now.  A friend I met on my holiday to Roatan, Pastor Dave, was telling me how he enjoyed some of the quotes, he couldn’t get enough of some of the author’s words and how she used them;  Eat Pray Love, by Elizabeth Gilbert, I found myself interested.

I have already been agreeing with my friend, though I am only in the ‘Eat’ section…Elizabeth Gilbert says, “Say it like you eat it.”   I liked that...savoring words; in the movie she calls it ‘Carbohydrates and Conjugations.’ I liked that too, sweetness and energy to the body and the rules of changing words, which of course I get because I have just finished six weeks of conjugating in Spanish.  Accepting change, that’s the idea of it.

My life has been filled with change these last six and a half years, me trying to figure out where I belong, what to do, where to stand, how to move ahead…probably you are thinking I should be over it by now, settled, steady; but change is hard, just when I think that I have a handle on it another 'tense' of  change shows up…like conjugating a word, how it happens entirely depends on the circumstance of the word or the rules of the language that is speaking it.  Ya, so I'm not used to it, conjugating is hard...change is hard.

In her book Liz talks about the Augusteum in Rome, a mausoleum built by Octavian Augustus to house his remains and those of his family for eternity; how could he know that the city of Rome would lie in ruins empty of citizens, that it would take almost twenty centuries for the city to recover a version of its former glory.  The Augusteum falls to ruins, the remains stolen; it is renovated as a fortress then assaulted by warring princes.  It is transformed into a vineyard, then a garden, then a bullring, a fireworks depository and then a concert hall.  In the 1930’s Mussolini restored it for his remains, which never happened as he anticipated.  Today it is the quietest loneliest place in Rome buried deep in the ground waiting for its next change…but still beautiful in the hindsight of its stories. 

Hindsight is beautiful…

At the end of April I went on a road trip to Smithers, twelve hours of driving through landscape that for hours seemed all the same.  Driving home something changed…as  I glanced into my rear view mirror I was amazed at the views, the beauty of the landscape; rolling hills, evergreen trees, trees budding out in all shades of green, lakes, curving highways, dips and turns, all edged by mountains in the distance, framed in my mirror.  I wanted to stop and go back.  But I was on a highway, there was no turning around, I was going forward …sometimes the beauty is in the rear view mirror.

Keep going forward…

There is a quote I have framed on my desk, it says, "Just because something doesn’t last forever doesn’t mean its worth has been diminished.”

Sweetness and change, beauty and worth…going forward; accepting change, that’s the idea of it.

I love that.

The Thing is...

“What is the worst thing that you have ever done toward someone?”  This was the last thing Rob asked at the end of his sermon Sunday morning, which was actually the first thing that came to my mind when he introduced his sermon with the first question, which was “what is the worst thing that someone has done toward you?”

No hurt is worse than another…I have been hurt but what have I done to another?

We all mess up, we all fall short, make mistakes, hurt others, sometimes in horrific ways, sometimes not so horrible but still, hurtful in ways that break friendships and break hearts.   The thing is…the thing is that we don’t keep the circle of hurt going, stop.  Forgive.  Carry on.  Live your life.  Live with joy, keep short accounts, and believe the best about people, forgive…because after all, we all mess up.

Forgiving is hard…especially horrific hurts.  But small things hurt too.  And this is the other thing, God does not play favorites with forgiveness, horrific hurts and small hurts are on the same page, whether it’s slander or whether its violence; murder or betrayal; lies or something stolen…one as bad as the other and none better than the other. 

Rob talked about Joseph and his brothers, how Joseph forgave his brothers for all the hurts they inflicted upon him and how he wept when years later, even after all he did for them, they came to him and asked again.  Joseph wept because his brothers doubted his forgiveness.  Isn’t this what Christ does when we ask again for forgiveness for something we were already forgiven for?  It’s as if we doubted His forgiveness…and Jesus wept.

The worst thing I did to someone?  It falls into at least one of those categories, but the thing is God forgave, He knew it at the time…later when I asked for forgiveness I was forgiven; mercy and amazing grace.  There is nothing anyone can say or do to make me feel undone about it, I have been forgiven and I never have to ask again…thank God.

Yet, I know this, even though it hurts Him, even though I fail at other things in other ways, again and again (because on this earth I will never be perfect)  Even though I mess up because after all, if we’re honest, I’m a mess and so are you…confess the mess. He will forgive.  How many times?  Seven times?  No. Seventy times seven times.  And then, more than that…mercy and amazing grace.

This much I can do for someone who has hurt me…forgiven people forgive.

I love that.