Just before John passed away he reconciled with God, I had waited 36 years for that amazing gift.
These last 5 years I have been waiting again, waiting for the years to pass, waiting for the hurt to pass, waiting for time to fit again and I have been wondering , “God, haven’t I already learned the lesson of waiting?”
I have realized that even though I am waiting, this is not the lesson He has been giving me…it possibly never was.
Just now, these last days, in my intermittent suffering, I came upon a new realization, an epiphany of sorts…an amazing relief in some ways. It came to me, words from God really, because I was asking Him again about waiting and He whispered to me “But what do you need to learn in the waiting?”
What do I need to learn inside of the waiting…do not be so easily affected. I am too easily affected by what my people say to me, how they respond in situations close to me, how they act while on my path and what they do in the circumstances on my edges…sometimes it affects me too much. I am affected too easily. Sometimes my imagination adds to the issues… affecting my soul.
I went to write these words, this epiphany, in my journal when I saw that I had just a few days earlier noted in the corner “I am too easily affected”. Somehow I had written the words but hadn’t taken them in. Now I am.
I am spending a few days in the City; I arrived last night and noticed that the church just next door was having an evening of music by candle light, after walking the streets of the city admiring the lights from the outside I determined to go into the Church to see the candle lights on the inside.
Inside, the presenter passed us pieces of paper, “write down your prayers” she said. “At the proper time, bring your prayers and lay them at the cross.” I immediately knew my words and as I wrote them the music sweetly filled the room encouraging the mood to be vulnerable, true, humble…He knows me. At the appointed time we were asked to bring the prayers up; perhaps twenty of us walked the aisle to the front and one by one we set our prayers alight…surely a pleasing aroma, a sweet fragrance of praise and prayer.
The music was beautiful, soul lifting, intermingled with encouraging words, ending with the tiniest, sweetest notes; wisps of music floating up from the fingers that played them to the hands of God and into the souls of those that took it in…beauty…peace.
Taking in the city lights…and learning a lesson.
I love that.