Celebrating

Finally!

Yes, I have finally finished reading Bonhoeffer! My daughter said I should celebrate, she said I should find a good German restaurant and go out for dinner...maybe I will. We have been doing a lot of celebrating this past month, birthdays...13 altogether in my family, 4 of them were my grandchildren. Such fun, great celebrations!

Celebrating is good, we are about to celebrate the birth of Christ and we are just now coming to the first advent, a Sunday of expectation and hope. The book I just finished reading was a powerful story about an amazing man in horrible times, in these times, there was not much time for celebrating yet through it all Dietrich Bonhoeffer (as well as many men and women around him) never gave up hope in his faith or in his God. The last chapter of this book is taken with this scripture, 2 Chronicles 20:12,

"We know not what to do, but our eyes are upon You."

Those were suffering times but it has not been the only time of people struggling in fear, people feeling without hope, yet looking for it, expecting it.

Nehemiah had hope in God, he wanted to do something, he prays under his breath and approaches the king. Hoping.

Esther knows not what to do but she asks for prayer and fasting and then enters the presence of the king. Hoping. Trusting.

Jehosophat knows not what to do but he calls on his God "...our eyes are upon You." Hoping. Trusting. Expecting God.

These too, are the sentiments we cry out often enough, we know not what to do, but here is our hope, found just a few verses down in verse 15,

"... for the battle is not yours, but Gods."

What a great and awesome hope we have, God belongs to us and the battle belongs to Him. Hoping for the peace only He can give and expecting Him to be with us through all of our struggles. Hope and expectation, this sunday, the first advent of the Christmas season...may we keep our eyes on Him.

"While in God confiding I cannot but rejoice."

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

the deepest secret

I came across this poem in a book I read once, it's a poem about love and the deepness of it, how we are never left without it, a promise for a new hope and a new life, words from the heart. I shared it at our Ladies Tea in April...here it is again, along with some other words that I shared that night...

i carry your heart with me by e e cummings

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in

my heart) I am never without it (anywhere

i go, you go, my dear; and whatever is done

by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear

no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) I want

no world (for beatuiful, you are my world...my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows

higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (i carry it in my heart).

This is how it is when you lose someone, no matter how it happens, whether by distance or by death, but even with this loss...comes the hope of love...I have felt this loss and the hope that comes with this kind of love.

Near the end of 1973 I became a wife and started a new life with my husband. We never were much for sweet talk or using sweet heart names. It was always Bud, I was his and he was mine. In the last few years we started using 'Honey'...but mostly for a loving reprimand or as a tease.

We were a team, for 36 years in marriage, loving life and sometimes fighting life. Often when we were working together at some job that he had in mind to get done, my eyes would say to him "Really?" and he'd look back at me, his eyes saying "Yes, just do it." We got a lot of things done that way.

Two years ago, my Buddy lost his fight on this earth, God had another job in mind for him...a new life with Him.

On that last night, my Buddy was hooked up with Iv's, oxygen hoses and draining tubes. He was connected to monitors that read his heart rate, his blood pressure and measured his oxygen levels. He lay in a bed fitted with special mattresses, attached to equipment that seemed overpowering, overwhelming. He wanted me to move his bed back so that maybe it would give length to one of his hoses. I tried not to let him see, but he saw my eyes say "really?" and then, I saw his eyes say "yes, just do it."

I did it, it was the last job we did together...it was an honor and a blessing to have shared his last days and to have witnessed the dignity and grace he fought his battle with. It is a new life for him, he is walking with Christ. And despite the loss it is a new life for me...

Now I am working at little jobs with my grandchildren, 10 little buddies who look back at me with the eyes of their Papa. And life goes on.

I slept beside him that night, this night, 2 years ago, the first time in a month, the last time forever...

i carry his heart with me... i carry it in my heart.

Whispers of love

Christmas is just around the corner and today I ordered a present for each of my little families, each one the same, a book, the same book. I can hardly wait to see them and have my fingers turn through their pages. I love new books and I love to give them as gifts. John and I made it a tradition to give books at Christmas. Sometimes there was a different book for each one, a book with a special message just for them or sometimes it was a book to share. Always, there was a little something extra inside the pages.

I was always the one to do the shopping but the one year I was able to talk John into coming with me...that was a surprise! I wanted to pick out big shiny exciting books but Papa wanted simple ones...a small book. "This one " he said. It was a small book, on the cover was a red barn with farm animals gathered around it. It was called "The Big Red Barn" by Margaret Wise Brown. A small book with a big message, as it happened, this was the last Christmas that Papa was with us. This special book remains as a reminder to my little families that Papa loved them in a special simple way. Everytime we look through it's pages we find Papa and a whisper of his love for us.

This new book that I just ordered is also a whisper of love. It is called "The Jesus Story Book Bible". It looks amazing. On the cover just under the title are the most beautiful words in the loveliest font... "every story whispers His name" I love that. Beautifully simple.

Simple. Sometimes we forget the simplicity of the book we base our faith on, we get caught up in the bigness of it, we want it to be big. We look for the excitement of it, we want to feel it. We want the big shiny miracles, we want to be part of it! We forget that the Bible"...isn't mainly about you and what you should be doing. It's about God and what He has done. Amen."

The Bible is a beautifully simple book, it tells the story of Christ in the new testament and in the old testament and ...every story whispers His name.

This changes everything.

Yes, I'm still reading Bonhoeffer, soon and very soon I will be done...maybe. I'm trying to take everything in, I am always finding something. Today the words I found were connected to both bible studies I am doing, they speak to making adjustments and giving up all. Here are Bonhoeffer's words,

"Who stands fast? Only the man whose final standard is not his reason, his principles, his conscience, his freedom, his virtue, but who is ready to sacrifice all this when he is called to obedient and responsible action in faith and in exclusive allegiance to God - the responsible man, who tries to make his whole life an answer to the question and call of God."

What amazing words, to make your whole life an answer to the question and call of God...

The book by Blackaby this past week has been talking about adjustments, making adjustments to our life, he says "you cannot stay where you are and go with God at the same time" He talks about Elisha, Noah, Abram, Moses, David, Amos, Jonah, Peter, James, John and Matthew and Saul. They all had to leave something, they had to give up all they knew to continue with God. Responsible men who made major adjustments to the call of God.

The other book I am studying talks about Paul in Prison, Paul says, "for me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain." In prison or out of prison, from the time he had to make his major adjustment, he makes it plain that his whole life is an answer to the question and call of God.

Right now I am still waiting, waiting to see what God is calling me to do, what He is preparing me for, but, as soon as I hear the call I'm looking forward to making the adjustments.

I have just come out of a major adjustment. I gave up my husband, I gave him to God. He made a major adjustment too. He gave up everything he knew to go with God... I was there the day he said "This changes everything." His final stand was not his reason, but obedience, through God's grace he made the adjustment...and went with God. I love that, I love knowing that.

I love knowing this, even Jesus had to make adjustments. Jesus gave up all riches and His position in Heaven to come to this earth, to be poor and to suffer...

"He became poor, so that you through His poverty might become rich."

2 Corinthians 8:9

I am rich, I know to whom I belong...God...and this changes everything.

Ruin is a gift

Last night I watched the movie Eat,Pray,Love. Julia Roberts plays the main character, a woman who is in trouble with her marriage. At her lowest point she introduces herself to God and prays "God, nice to finally meet you" then through her tears she cries out "I am in deep trouble, tell me what to do." Her marriage is over, her life is in ruins. It is a story of how she is able to find a way to rebuild her life...to restore the ruins.

Restoring the ruins...it is a process.

Last year we did a Beth Moore study called Breaking Free. It is a study on how we put ourselves in bondage, either by our ways of thinking, our expectations or our beliefs. We suffer with the lies we believe, the prejudice shown to us, or by the faults and hurts of family ties. Family ties, whether they lie in a bad marriage or in hurts done to us by other family members. Some of the hurts are in being lost, loss and even death. All hurts can be ruinous. Some of the hurts are recent, but some of the hurts have happened long ago, they are ancient, old ruins. What we learned in this study is that we need to think of these ruins in new ways, to have the "courage to extract the precious from the worthless"...to transform the ruins.

Transforming the ruins...I'm in the process.

In the movie, Julia's character visits the old ruins in Rome and she realizes how amazing it is that no matter what disasters had befallen the ancient buildings they keep on being transformed to a new beauty. While I'm not sure I can accept everything this movie tells, there is this that stood out to me..."Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation."

Ruin is a gift, a mercy of God, one of His reminders. If it were not for the ruin, we would not see the need to transform and if we could change the way we look at the ruin, we could regain our beauty...then we could love ourselves and in turn we could learn to love again, despite the ruins...because of the ruins.

"...to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,

the oil of gladness instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair...

They will rebuild the ancient ruins

and restore the places long devastated;

they will renew the ruined cities

that have been devastated for generations.

Isaiah 61:3-4

From the ruins...have the courage to extract the precious from the worthless.

Joyful circumstances

I got caught this week doing a few things that I shouldn't have done, and I had to pay the price.

First, I got caught speeding. The officer came around to my car and asked for my registration and drivers liscence, then came back and gave me the ticket...57 in a 30... $253.00! When she walked away I said "thank-you" ...grrr.

Earlier, that morning I had been to the dentist with an abscess. When my dentist had worked on that tooth a long time ago he told me that I needed to be careful around that area. I guess I didn't floss properly and now he is saying that I need a root canal!

Later that evening, I ran the water for a bath. I put my Iphone and my book (my bible study book) on the ledge of the bathtub. My dog came by and tipped everything into the water! Yikes! A wet Iphone! What could possibly be worse! Well, besides a speeding ticket and a root canal?!

As I reflected, my whole day of trouble reminded me of the bible study lesson we are doing. Paul is in chains, shackled to a guard, imprisoned...yet he is praising God. He was being joyful in his circumstances, his horrible circumstances and he hadn't even done anything wrong!

I was not in chains but I certainly did some wrong things. I could have put myself in bondage with a suffering, 'poor me' attitude. But I didn't, I couldn't. Worse things could have happened! Hard lessons learned...God saved me, despite my errors in judgement and I'm thankful for that.

This weeks bible study lesson says, "to experience the power of peace in every situation, begin with thanksgiving. Did you know that the giving of thanks is willful? It is a decision on our part. And giving thanks is also commanded by God. His word tells us to give thanks always and for all things in everything and evermore. And the decision to do just that - to give thanks, no matter what- has a powerful effect on our attitude...and our peace."

It's not that He wanted me to suffer, but he wants me to learn something...I'm thankful I didn't hurt anyone speeding through a playground, I'm thankful for my dentist, I'm thankful that my Iphone is made well enough that it is still working. I'm thankful for my dog, I love him. And I am thankful for my God who is in the business of saving. I Love Him.

" Be joyful always, pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ."
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18